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Guest Blogger: Jessica Cabeen
“Sometimes life at home will be too big and too hard not to bring into the school day.”
While the transition to the new decade can bring on big hopes, big dreams, big plans, and joy…for some of us it brings us into a new season of loss.
On December 26th, 2019 we made the difficult decision to put our furry baby, Rigby down.
The loss of a loved one; a parent, a pet, or even a student, can bring about a lot of different emotions. In the days leading up to, and right after losing Rigby I was a bi-polar ball of emotions.
Laughing and happy one moment, and crying in the next minute. The morning after he passed, my alarm went off and I started my routine of a bible study, exercise and heading into work. No sooner did I start to open my devotional did the tears flow, at that moment I realized he wouldn’t be next to me anymore during the morning routine.
I lost my book editor, the one who sat in the office early in the am as I worked through a presentation, the one who sat next to me as I wrote blog posts (just like this one), the one who forced me to go for a walk when I would much rather binge watch Netflix. In these moments of new normal without Rigby it is hard to see the future through the flood of tears and the overwhelming emotions. In Balance Like a Pirate, Jessica, Sarah and I talk about transitioning from a difficult time into a “New Normal” so if you are like me and going through a season of struggle into 2020, I hope this brings you some help and a virtual hug from someone who is attempting to take one step in front of the other right now.
Give Yourself Grace.
During the time right after the loss give yourself temporary immunity, exemption or reprieve from what you do or how well you did it before your loss. Work was a good distraction, but I had to put aside big projects and tasks for a few days and just focus on organizing, emails, and budgets.
Sleep, eat, exercise, repeat.
When sadness hits me it is a challenge to do even one of the three things above. To be truthful, just a day after Rigby’s death, I was riding my Peleton with Tunde Oyeneyin and experienced a “This is Us” ugly cry during one of her songs. Literally….I was bawling and trying to push one pedal in front of the other. Finding outlets during this season and staying well is essential to stabilize and find a way to move forward in this new normal.
Phone a friend or your therapist.
About two weeks before Rigby died I was in my regular appointment with my therapist, during the appointment I made mention of Rigby’s declining health. Our session turned into a grief therapy session instead of a regular check-in. He said what I didn’t want to hear, what will you do when he passes? We discussed plans, options and he encouraged me to start to do a little more research into the process and what happens next.
While you may not need a therapist to walk you through the loss-please, please, please phone or text a friend. The day after his death I texted my close friends and co-workers so they had a ‘heads up’ into why I might be a little more off than normal.
Lean into what you do well.
During this season try not to focus on what you can’t seem to get your mind around getting done, and focus on what you can do. My closets in the house haven’t been cleaner, my notebooks are updated and my tax receipts might be more organized than in previous years.
While it was good to have a few days away since his passing, I am looking forward to getting back into the routine of morning greetings, classroom walkthroughs, and going to my boy’s swim meets and basketball games. Re-establishing routine also provides a safety net of structure when your emotions might be more unstable than before.
Don’t expect to be 100% for a while.
Can I be honest? I have had to stop writing this post three times already because my tears made it hard to see. Waves of emotions are as unpredictable as the Minnesota Vikings win/loss record. Don’t beat yourself up about it-take a break, take a breath and come back to whatever you were doing in a little while.
Find a mantra or a music playlist.
During this season I rely heavily on reflection, music, and journaling. I have already made a scrapbook of his pictures and kept his Instagram story on my feed. Finding ways to remember how he positively impacted my life helps when my heart hurts with the loss. If you are needing a little inspiration or hope through the hurt-below are a few quotes and links to songs that have helped.
Thank you for reading, and if you are in a season of life that has gone off course, know you are not alone.
Jessica
Click on each graphic for a song.
What a beautiful and vulnerable post. Thank you for sharing.
If you’d like to learn more from Jessica, click HERE to preview Balance Like a Pirate, a book she co-authored, for FREE. Just scroll down to “Preview” and read the first few chapters absolutely free.
Be sure to follow Jessica on Twitter and check out her website, too.
Balance Like a Pirate, a Lead Like a PIRATE Guide, was written by educators for educators with a focus on helping you create a lifestyle that allows you to break free from "shoulds" and "have tos." Educational leaders Jessica Cabeen, Jessica Johnson, and Sarah Johnson equip you with practical strategies and tools to thrive in every area of life.
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