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by Beth Houf
Some days, you just know are going to be a little off and some days you are blindsided. Yesterday was a combination of both. We had an impending ice storm, which seems to always affect the behaviors in the school to a degree. I went into my day with goals and a plan. I walked out almost twelve hours later in a haze and with my heart heavy. Things definitely didn’t go as planned.
The situations that caused the extra baggage I was carrying home were not violent. They were not unique to my school. However, there were two big things that I can recognize now that made the effects more lasting.
First, multiple things happened at once and at the end of the day.
Secondly, the stories behind the events were heartbreaking.
As educators, we are expected to juggle multiple things at once. I feel like the norm has also been to make decisions at a moment’s notice. One thing that my assistant and I did yesterday, as we worked through situations, was to give ourselves grace on time. We did not have all the facts, the school day was over. It is OK to wait until the next day (or the next week due to a snow day) to finish a discipline referral or reflective conversation. It is OK to slow down in order to be sure you have the facts before making a decision. Instead, our time was focused to ensure all that were involved were aware of the situations and our plans moving forward. I’ve found that when there is a lack of communication, people make up their own versions of events. It’s much harder to erase the incorrect narrative that might have become truth to others.
In twelve years as a building leader, I’ve learned to handle the heartbreak our students (and staff) face a little better. My coping strategies have grown and to be honest, I’ve learned to disassociate some in order to maintain my own mental health. Yesterday those strategies didn’t work so well for me in the moment and I had to dig a little deeper. A blessing and a curse of my leadership style (that I can now identify and talk about) is that I feel deeply. When those that I serve are hurting, I take on their hurt. While being empathetic is a quality I always want to possess, it can take a definite toll when not processed. So how do I do that?
The Power of Relationships
One thing that happened as we were finishing the day is that several staff members came to check on us. Our counselors stayed, not because they had to, but because they wanted to. We had several texts checking in. It is ok to lean on others to help lift you back up after an especially tough day.
The Power of Laughter
I went to dinner with my family. We laughed and enjoyed a good meal. I had a conversation with a friend that also had me laughing. I came home and watched one of my favorite shows that also had me laughing. Surrounding myself with positive helps me stay uplifted when it would be easy to go in a different direction.
The Power of Truth
I am lucky to have one of the best assistant principals. We took time to process not only the experiences but our feelings about them. She and I have different ways of coping, which is definitely ok, but we always take time to reflect on our feelings…good, bad or ugly. The heartbreak of yesterday was definitely hard, but being able to have a person that you can be honest with helps keep that invisible backpack we take home each night a little lighter. My friend and colleague Cami Webb also said something that was so impactful.
“It’s not always the big events that fill those backpacks. Sometimes it’s the multitude of small stories that lead up to a massive anthology that tears at your heart and together holds a massive weight.”
Also, we were both very honest with our families we worked with on our concern and care. In my early years of the principalship, I didn’t always feel as if it were my business to be so direct in sharing these topics. No matter the situation, we make it common practice to make sure our families know that we are going to get through this situation together and that we are here for them. We are a team.
The Power of Forgiveness
Forgive others, forgive myself. I’ve learned to intentionally quit beating myself up when bad things happen. They are not always reflections of my leadership, but just the way life is. It’s more about how we work through the struggle. When I quit taking things personally, I’m able to better problem solve and recover from those tough days.
Give yourself grace and know that you are making an impact. Every.Single.Day.
Even when things don’t go as planned.