It’s Okay to Not Be Okay

So many have asked me how our school year has started.

Those first few days, I responded with enthusiasm and positivity. We truly have had an amazing start. But as we concluded our first full week of school, I had to work a little harder to bring my normal excitement. We have some students that have needs that I wasn’t sure how we were going to meet. The daily grind of going from intense situation to an equally intense situation was taking a toll. Not only on me but our assistant principal and counselors. The following Wednesday, we all sat after school at 6:00 pm and kind of hit what we thought at the time was rock bottom. We laughed, we cried and we knew that tomorrow was going to be better. We were ready to dig a little deeper. We acknowledged it was okay to not be okay, but that we had to support each other.

Thursday morning started off with a glimmer of hope. I had extra support and the morning seemed to start smoothly. For the first moment in a long time, I felt as though we were getting our bearings. And then the call that completely changed the trajectory of the lives of so many…the death of a student. The following days were a blur. We rallied around our students, our families and each other. We developed a cocoon of safety and love. I went silent on social media. I couldn’t find the will to post. It felt wrong to celebrate and share. I tried so hard to make sure everyone was okay. The weekend came and I completely unplugged and embraced my own grief. I have unfortunately now lost three students. There has been nothing harder than this.

I’ve learned though, that as leaders we have to take time to take care of our own emotions. It’s okay to grieve. It’s okay to be angry. It’s okay to be scared. It’s okay to be enthusiastic. It’s okay to be sad. It’s okay to be a model that so many need on how to handle our emotions appropriately instead of wearing a badge of inhuman strength. As educators, we tend to power through the hard times to be strong for everyone else. We try to “fake it til we make it” and smile through the pain. When I do this though, the effects are always worse. I tend to get cynical. I tend to lash out at those that are closest to me. I tend to isolate myself. I tend to be miserable on the inside while outside appearances look anything but positive and happy. I’ve learned that it is okay to accept help and it is okay to ask for help. It doesn’t make you weak when you need others, it actually brings you strength. I am so incredibly grateful to those that reached out to help and offer support.

I was in a workshop this past week and someone asked me for advice on how I was able to stay energetic and positive in the midst of hard situations. I was completely honest with the participant and said, sometimes I truly can’t. I’ve learned to take the time to rest when I get it. I’ve learned that positivity doesn’t mean ignoring the negative things, it just means I can control how I handle my reactions. Like that popular quote, I’ll take the cactus, but there’s no sense sitting on it. I’ve learned that it is okay to not be okay all of the time.

So to my fellow educators, don’t be so hard on yourself. Give yourself permission to feel. Give yourself permission to be okay with not being okay all the time. Remember you have a PLN behind you ready to support you…just reach out.

In #LeadLAP style, I end this point in a challenge and reflection for you.

• Reach out to a trusted colleague or PLN member and ask for support on something that is currently challenging you.
• Send a note of appreciation to someone in your PLN. Let them know how much you value their support.
• Look at your daily schedule. Do you have time built in for you to decompress from the day? If not, how could you do this, even just 5 minutes?
• Finally, who might you offer support to that could be struggling at the moment. Take a minute to send someone a note to check in and see if they need anything.