All the Words

by Beth Houf

2021

I’m an optimist enough to believe in positive change.

I’m a realist enough to know that the challenges of 2020 haven’t been left behind. 

Realistically speaking, we are still in the middle of a global pandemic.

Optimistically, I hope and dream for a successful vaccine. 

Realistically speaking, 2020 showed us that the gaps of inequity are very raw and very real.

Optimistically, advocacy efforts are stronger than I’ve witnessed in my lifetime.

Hate is real. It has reared its ugly head continually this past year. It has broken families, friendships, and individuals. 

But love has also stepped up to help with healing.

Resolutions historically haven’t been my thing. I tend to be a person that when I see that change needs to occur, I work to make it happen. Instead, for the past few years, I have tried to gravitate to one word to embrace for the upcoming new year. It is something that I actually think about throughout the year and finalize January 1st. To be honest, most of my 2020, like so many others, was spent navigating the moment, with little time for long term planning. More times than not, I found myself in survival mode, navigating roadblocks and detours. When I would think forward to 2021 and my own hopes and dreams, I would get immediately overwhelmed by attempting to find a word to truly encapsulate what lies ahead.

December started and I felt like the end of the calendar year was finally in sight, with a nice break ahead to recover, relax and recharge…and then I got sick. My family and I spent most of the month recovering from Covid. It knocked us out. Each of us had a different severity level and luckily none of us got to the point of hospitalization. I am grateful for so many that helped us through this experience. We were taken care of abundantly. My amazing school family provided us with dinner each night. Our friends and family, colleagues and community members made sure we knew that we were not alone. We were so blessed, yet emotionally the illness took a toll I couldn’t quite shake.  Now that I am recovered and taking time to reflect, I realize experiencing the illness was similar to going through a cycle of grief. 

Denial

It will be nothing. I’m sure if I rest it will go away.

Anger

I was just plain mad. Furious at times. I was angry that we had it after all the precautions we had taken. I was angry at those that continue to think it isn’t real. I was angry that it took Covid to finally get a break and rest. I was angry that I had friends that compared Covid to a cold, which was demeaning. I was mad that the focus was more about schools being in-seat or virtual and judgement on decisions instead of looking at the toll it is taking on our kids, educators and families. 

Fear

I had no idea how sick we would get. I had no idea if I would be able to care for my kids while also being sick. I had and still have no idea the long lasting effects of Covid. 

Guilt

We are blessed to have a home that the four of us could comfortably quarantine and recover in for three weeks. We have jobs that let us take time so we truly could recover while so many do not. I was also worried that I unknowingly could have given it to someone else.

Acceptance

I took time to listen to words of advice that I often give to others…

It’s ok to not be ok. 

It’s ok to feel. 

It’s ok to not have it all figured out.

It’s ok to let people help.

This past year has influenced me like no other. The good experiences, the bad experiences and all the in-betweens. The biggest lesson I’ve learned from 2020 is that I have to be ready for anything. Life changes in an instant and then it can immediately change again. 

I’ve decided that for 2021, in order to navigate the uncharted waters that lie ahead, I’m going to need to break tradition from my normal. Instead of narrowing down my focus to one word, I choose all the words.  I don’t want a limit. I need to be able to choose a word (or two or three) for the situation at hand.

Any word that is going to help me to make a positive impact on our world, you are up for 2021. It’s going to take all the words to make all difference.

Happy New Year, my friends! Wishing you a year of health and happiness. We would love to have you join us tomorrow on our first #LeadLAP chat of 2021, Leading the Learning: Showing Up for Students. Just follow the #leadlap hashtag on Twitter to connect to our incredible PLN. Shelley, Dawn, Traci and I look forward to our continued work together in the new year.