You Are Not Alone

Today’s guest post is brought to you by the incredible authors of PrincipalEd: Navigating the Leadership Learning Curve !

Kate Barker:  Along with being a co-author of Principaled, Kate Barker is the principal at Cherry Park Elementary School in Portland, Oregon.  This is her 30th year in education and 17th as a principal.  She is a champion for infusing high expectations with a positive and loving culture.  Kourtney Ferrua: Kourtney currently serves as the Director of Curriculum, Instruction and Assessment in the McMinnville School District. Prior to working at the district office, she served as the principal at Wascher Elementary School for six years. In 2019 Kourtney was awarded Oregon Elementary Principal of the Year and as a National Distinguished Principal. Rachael George: Rachael George is the proud principal of Sandy Grade School.  She was named an ASCD Emerging Leader in 2015 and is currently a NAESP Fellow for the Center of Innovative Leadership.  Rachael is passionate about educational leadership and serving other leaders across her state and the nation.Take it away, ladies!

Guest Post

You are not alone. Let’s be honest, leadership can look glamorous from a distance, but in reality it is very normal to feel isolated, lonely, and precariously vulnerable. As the “boss of the building” others expect you to have the answers, to handle the situations, to solve the problems with seemingly little deliberation and certainly with no complaining. And the fact is, we rarely talk about it.  We just keep plugging along with a smile on our face when in reality it takes a toll on both our physical and mental health.  Whether it is in our DNA or we are just too proud, leaders often have a difficult time admitting how difficult it is to lead.  We sit in our solitary offices with the expectation and pressure that we can conquer our jobs on our own.  In reality, we need each other and the three of us want to help. 

One of the factors that makes leadership so challenging is that it is human work.  Yes, our favorite parts of the job are interacting with all the people, but on the flipside the toughest part of our job are, you guessed it, the people.  The first step in navigating leadership is to connect to your own humanity. We need to find our people and invest in spending time reflecting, soaking in feedback and being mentored. Through these connections and dialogs we are ultimately attending to our own human needs for validation, perspective, and support.  

The three of us attended to our human needs when met six years ago at a state conference for school leaders. We tentatively started talking and quickly recognized a common theme in our stories. We were all leading school environments where students and families navigated poverty and experienced trauma and we all deeply believed in removing obstacles for children to succeed. We also were actively in the process of shifting the trajectory of our school communities and we were committed to having exceedingly high expectations all while infusing love and joy into the culture of our community. And with a little trepidation, we admitted that it was hard. We began to talk about the challenges, the politics of school leadership, the tough conversations with staff and families, and the frustration when others resisted seeing the same possibilities. The release we experienced through these real, authentic conversations with others who were doing the same work brought us energy and the hope to persevere. 

It is a gift to be able to identify common passions with people you admire and then lift them up and celebrate their success.  We are all in the business of raising strong humans, and if that is not a worthy cause for collective success, we don’t know what is! There are so many effective ways to reach out and find other professionals that align with your passion and purpose for this work. Here are some ideas you might consider:

1. Right swipe! Reach out in your region and find someone who is leading in a similar situation. Meet for coffee or a zoom date to talk about what they are experiencing, ask questions. We have to warn you, it’s a little like dating, so don’t give up if the first one doesn’t work, just keep connecting.
2. Search some hashtags. Start stalking the #PrincipalEDleaders #tlap #leadlap hashtags to find some great thought partners on Twitter. If you are wanting to take things to the next level, jump into a Twitter chat or Direct Message someone who you find intriguing to further the conversation.  Don’t be shy about reaching out and interacting with others on Twitter.  The more you interact and share, the more you get out of it.    
3. Attend conferences. Not only is this a great way to deepen your understanding, it’s also an awesome opportunity to meet people across the country. As we return to face to face conferences, don’t miss out on going to a part of the country you haven’t yet explored to build your professional network.  If you aren’t able to travel yet, check out the online conference options.  Many organizations are providing virtual or hybrid options and this is a great way to connect.  Make sure to keep that chat box open along with your Twitter app.  We encourage you to follow the event’s hashtag and connect with others on Twitter that are attending the event.   
4. Call your “ugly cry mentor.” Find someone who knows you well and is willing to see you at your most vulnerable, yet keep everything you need to say in the vault. We need these releases sometimes and making time for connections is important.  Sometimes it is hard to find mentors and the time to meet so don’t give up if you haven’t found yours yet.  If you have a trusted mentor already, hold tight to them as they are pivotal in your growth as a person and leader.   
5. Stay close to home.  Start a professional network of your own.  This could be around a similar topic or just a time to unload your burdens to someone who understands your situation.  So lean in and reach out to others around you so together you can make a plan to connect, find a time, invite some friends, and determine where or how you will meet.  You won’t be disappointed you did.   

Our collective passion for connection and authenticity in leadership is one of the reasons why we wrote PrincipalED: Navigating the Leadership Learning Curve. We believe that this work is too challenging to embark on alone, and that there is no reason why anyone should have to do it in isolation. We can’t wait to connect with you online.  Check out #PrincipalEDleaders to find a network of amazing leaders having conversations about ways to improve outcomes for kids and families through high expectations for academics and emotional learning. 

– Kate Barker, Kourtney Ferrua, Rachael George

PS Join the PrincipalED professional network by connecting with Kate Barker, Kourtney Ferrua and Rachael George at the website https://www.principaled.org/. They also have a new book study available for engaging your team in professional learning. Follow the hashtag #PrincipalEDleaders on Facebook and Twitter, or follow them directly at @Kate_S_Barker, @kourtneyferrua, and @DrRachaelGeorge.

Thank You!

Thank you, ladies.

If you don’t already, follow Kate, Rachael, and Kourtney on Twitter by clicking their names. Also, check out their book PrincipalEd: Navigating the Leadership Learning Curve right HERE! They have book study resources right HERE–just scroll down to the book cover or click HERE. Don’t forget to visit their website for even more incredible resources right HERE.

Learn More About PrincipalED

While the principal’s office may sometimes feel like the loneliest place in the building, it doesn’t have to be. In Principaled, veteran principals Kate Barker, Kourtney Ferrua, and Rachael George draw back the curtain on their years of experience, revealing the strategies, mindsets, and practices that have helped them flourish in their roles.

Preview the book for FREE HERE.